Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
