Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
