if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
