next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
