dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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