halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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