so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
