Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
