I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
