the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
