I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
