I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
