I got chris browned last night
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
