That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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