omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
