I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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