Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
