you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Randomize
