I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
