Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
