I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
