All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
