I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
