I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
