Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
