So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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