Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
