I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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