I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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