We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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