Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
