This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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