yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
