Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
