She's JV to your varsity
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I met the friendliest cop last night
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
