So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Randomize
