My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
