I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
