And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Let's get the cat blown out
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
