Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
