Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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