i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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