I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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