giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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