I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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