There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
it was like eating out sand paper
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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