why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I currently don't understand fingers.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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