i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
