everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
