after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
