the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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