how hairy? two words: wookie tits
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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