Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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