oh god the rape fog is back!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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