You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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