I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
