she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
