please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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